That Elusive Light at the End of the Tunnel
June 11, 1999
So I'm finally through with my freshman year of college. Sure, it wasn't ideal, but I don't think dwelling on that will accomplish anything.
I probably should write something reflective, but I just don't think that's going to happen either. I know this is a bit out of character for me, but instead of bitching about my current or former situation, I'm actually going to talk about how cool things are going to be. Yes, I am optimistic about my future.
Sure, I've been saying that I see the light at the end of the tunnel before. Like during the hell of grade school, I though, "High school has to be better." And it sucked. It really sucked. Then, all through the painful years of high school, "but college will be really great, it'll be worth this." So I've been waiting my whole life for things to get good. And it's never really happened. But this time it's different... next year is actually going to be a good year for me. No more of this "waiting" bullshit, I'm just going to make things good. Or at least that's the current theory.
First, there's the housing. Narnia. Mother fucking C.S. Lewis and shit! Yeah! Sure, Narnia is in the middle of nowhere, on the far side of Lake Lag, but I get a bad ass two room double, and edible food, and frankly, I love to walk so the location doesn't bother me. The campus is too beautiful to have it streak by on a bicycle. My room is going to be fucking awesome. First, there's going to be the trusty Dell Dimension XPS T500 with 21" monitor, but in front of it is going to be an obnoxious, wheeled, leather, executive, desk chair. I'll have one of those pads down so I can wheel around. I will be that shitty white guy with the big chair and monitor. Also, I'm thinking comfy futon, animation cels decoarting the walls along with my star wars vehicle tecnical readouts. Oh yeah. Cool shit. Additionally, my roommate, Jim, is just a damned cool guy, which will make things oh so much more pleasant than my freshman year living situation. But let's not go there...
Then there's the academic situaiton: I declared computer science as my major at the very end of the year. Eric Roberts has agreed to be my advisor, which is excellent. Instead of a disinterested chemical engineer "advising" me, a genuinely interested computer science professor will actually help me figure out what to do with my undergraduate education. Professor Roberts co-taught the "Bridging the Gap" seminar I took last quarter, which was undoubtably the most positive academic experience I have had at Stanford. It truly reenergized me and renewed my interest in purely academic pursuits. Having Roberts as my advisor instead of a hardcore tunnel- visioned techie will also help me to "Bridge the Gap" in my academic life, furthering my studies in humanities while I continue to delve into computer science. Also, I've gotten so much of the crappy introductory courses out of the way I should be able to start taking real classes next year.
Finally, there's the "social" situation. I know, I know, I'm basically an antisocial asshole. But despite myself, I've managed to make a few friends at Stanford. My drawgroup is a diverse group of cool guys, and even besdies them, I've found some tolerable people. Yes, I still hate people, don't worry loyal fans of my misanthropy, just not these few people. They may even tolerable enough to keep in touch and hang out with them next year.
And maybe, just maybe, I won't spend next year alone.
Admittedly, hope is a dangerous thing, but thinking "everything just sucks" and it'll always be that way isn't going to do me any good either.
copyright 1999 adam mathes