by adam mathes
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“Sometimes I forget that you had that whole weird freshman year, and it’s like a 365 day period walled off from the rest of your life. Like wasn’t there that girl you dated from your dorm…”

“She was a nympho.”

“Didn’t she sleep with your roommate or something?”

“She slept with me and left me and broke my heart! And then two days later she slept with my roommate! She was a player. She played me. It was terrible and emotional and painful. And do you know what I learned from all that?”

“What did you learn?”

“You do not have sex with skinny girls. Because it is not any fun. They are all sharp edges. Elbows and knees and they feel like they’re about to break and it’s just terrible.”

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