For immature and petty reasons I decided that I needed to bring a date to Special Dinner this Friday. (1)
I made a list of qualities I was looking for in my hypothetical date:
- Able to convincingly pretend to like me for a number of consecutive hours.
- Really hot.
- Has no problem entertaining herself while I’m off drinking heavily and ignoring her.
- Really, really, really hot.
- Incredibly hot.
- Will find her own way home after I pass out.
- Ridiculously hot.
And then I realized I wasn’t looking for a date so much as an escort, and scrapped the idea.
- Special Dinner - each quarter my house spends a large amount of money on fancy schmancy dinner (lobster, filet, fine wine, lots of expensive liquor, etc.) Traditionally, I have gotten extremely inebriated at these events and collapsed in my bed rather early on in the night.
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