by adam mathes
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He's Our Hero

Every time I watch Captain Planet at 4:30am (which is happening more and more often) three thoughts continually come to mind.

First, what the hell was Ted Turner thinking?

Second, wouldn’t the Planeteers do more good for the planet if they stopped chasing around random people who cut trees down and instead marketed the technology behind their ecologically friendly solar-powered jet? I mean, wouldn’t eradicating the industrial world’s reliance on fossil fuels do more good than stopping African poachers from killing baby gorillas? It just seems like that would be more important, then again, I was never entrusted with one of those magical rings with the power of the elements, so what do I know.

Finally, that Russian girl’s fake accent is somehow sexy.

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