After some cold, clean statistical analysis, it turns out that not only was it expected, it was exactly on time.
According to the best data my extensive archives have turned up, it turns out that the mean time between “hello” to “fuck you, I never want to talk to you again” is exactly 14.3333 months.
I had thought it was more than that, closer to 16 months, but my research team has assured me that their data and analysis are accurate, and I have to yield to their obviously larger knowledge base.
If anything, I should be relieved that my online friendships tend to follow the same arcs and paths as my offline friendships, at least to within an order of magnitude. That’s the appeal of statistics after all, cold, harsh, and precision
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