by adam mathes
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Liked Them Better Before

Last weekend Ian forced me to see The Princess Diaries with him and Yuping.

We went to a 10:30pm show.

Now, think to yourself, how many 8-year-old girls, the obvious intended audience of the movie, are going to be at a 10:30pm show?

In case you are still confused, the answer is none, because it’s way past their bedtime.

No, no. It turns out that the only people who would go to a 10:30pm showing of The Princess Diaries are perverts and pedophiles (I know I’m a little late, but I’m trying to do my part.)

Which is clearly what Ian was, judging by his obsession with Anne Hathaway that continued on long after we had left the theatre. But those are issues outside the scope of this small daily entry.

I’m not going to review the movie, or even talk about the content, because everybody with a personal web site constantly has half-assed reviews of movies, and it’s plainly obvious that nobody cares about what the hell I, or the legions of linking monkeys think about the current blockbuster in your local megaplex.

Right, but, anyway, because I’m too lazy to summarize the plot, the important thing to note is that at the beginning, the girl has “dorky” glasses and looks “bad” and has “nasty” frizzy hair, and is then transformed into yet another Disney pedo-pr0n lovetoy with straightened hair and and too much makeup.

My problem, and I felt the same way about Josie and the Pussycats, is that I think the girls look much better at the start of the film, and then whatever “good” makeover thing happens to them to make them “desirable” completely ruins their appeal.

Not that I think teenagers playing high school students in Disney movies have appeal. That was Ian. I was just along for the ride. Really.

In Josie and the Pussycats, which I am harping on because Yuping just downloaded and watched in super-illegal DivX;) format last night, the girls are hot rock grrls at the beginning. They have punk cred. Josie is wearing a Black Flag shirt, for crying out loud. See figure a.

Then she gets made over and looks boring and glitzy and ditzy. It was a shame, really. See figure b.

And yes, if you must know, I grabbed those stills for an entry I meant to write when Josie first came out. Reduce, reuse, recycle!

I was too lazy to grab stills from The Princess Diaries. But at the beginning she had really cute glasses, and the first thing they do as part of her “princess makeover” is, literally, destroy her glasses. Disney may be doing a lot of evil, horrible things, but attempting to convince young girls that glasses make them look bad is just wrong.

Women, don’t listen to Disney. Glasses, when worn properly, are very, very sexy.

Also, women, please wear more Black Flag t-shirts. Thank you and good day.

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