by adam mathes
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Common Errors

I am an idiot. Here is a true to life story illustrating that. See the footnotes for explanations of my idiocy.

One sunny day when driving in my car with someone, one of my favorite CD’s was in the CD player. [1,2] Not only was it in the CD player, but it was playing. [3]

As we were driving, she asked to borrow this fine CD. I said yes. [4]

When we got back to the house, I ejected the CD from the CD player, and gave it to her. [5]

A few weeks later, before we started to clean the kitchen, she asked me if I minded if we listened to the Dixie Chicks while cleaning. I said that I would actually rather listen to the CD I loaned her. [6]

She responded that we’d spend half the time listening to each. I said, “ok.” [7]

After cleaning the kitchen entirely to the Dixie Chicks, she said, “oh, I totally forgot about putting in that other CD.”

I said, “don’t worry about it.” [8]

She gave me my CD back later that day. I accepted it and she left the room. I then looked at it. [9] I observed that it had a very large scratch on it.

I took the CD back and put it in my CD player. It skipped, and the fourth track was impossible to listen to.

I realized that one of the things I hate most in life is people who borrow CD’s and return them with big scratches, and decided that I would never loan CD’s to people ever again. [10]

1. I should have made her drive; getting a ride in my car should be reserved for special occassions, where special occassions are defined as “trips to In-N-Out” and “any time I am trying to impress a cute girl with glasses.” This was neither.

  1. I should not have had one of my favorite CD’s in the car, it should have been safely tucked away in my room.

  2. I should have had the radio on instead of playing one of my own CD’s since a passenger could possibly ask me about the CD, the band, or my musical tastes, or to borrow the CD, all of which would lead to awkward superficial conversation about music or possible CD borrowing.

  3. I should have said, “no.”

  4. I should have conveniently forgotten to take the CD out, then as we were walking away from the car said, don’t worry, I’ll drop it off sometime. Then forgotten about that too.

  5. I should have said, “absolutely not, under no circumstances should I ever be forced to listen to the Dixie Chicks.”

  6. I should have said, “fuck you, this is not a negotiation.”

  7. I should have said, “go to hell.”

  8. I should have done a serious inspection as soon as she handed it to me, and screamed loudly when I saw the large scratch.

  9. I should have figured this out a long time.

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