by adam mathes
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Paper Balls

Sunday I went to Stanford Flicks.

Flicks is one of those Stanford tradition things that everyone is supposed to do. They show a movie in Memorial Auditorium, lots of people go, blah blah blah.

Also, there’s the paper fights.

Everybody brings newspapers, usually extra copies of the Stanford Daily, and people throw paper balls at each other for a good half-hour before the movie starts. Or during the movie, whatever. It’s good clean fun.

Or at least, that’s the way I remembered it.

When I went on Sunday, things seemed a lot more violent than I remembered. There were coordinated paper barrages by whole rows of kids, which sort of bothered me.

But not as much as when an entire section of newspaper, semi-folded over, hit me in the head.

I picked it up and started screaming, “What the hell is wrong with you kids? What the fuck is this?”

I then proceeded to scream and rant for the next five minutes on the proper way to make and throw a paper ball.

It’s not hard, really, you take a SINGLE sheet of newspaper, roll it up lightly, and throw.

You don’t throw a whole section vaguely rolled up. That’s just idiotic. You could put someone’s eye out.

Kids today, I swear.

Also, everything seemed too loud.

I must be getting old.

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